i should have changed that stupid lock
i should have made you leave your key i had a dream/nightmare last night about being in kosovo on trial before a war tribunal. the tribunal tried to pick apart my life down to the tiniest detail, even stripped me naked and put me on the stand (which was in the den in the house i grew up in). then gloria gaynor started singing "i will survive" and i stood there naked, refuting their accusations and the tribunal crumpled in defeat. i'm afraid of what this means...
JTBjr
10:58 link it
2.27.2002
stop. hold on. stay in control it's amazing that simple drywall (or sheetrock, whatever) can act so much like a drum. you see, when my house was renovated some years ago, the renovator, instead of tearing down the plaster and lathe ceiling, simply hung a layer of sheetrock about 6 inches below the old ceiling, creating a new smooth ceiling and an insulating air space. but for the past 3 or 4 months a squirrel (perhaps a dozen, i don't know), has been trapped in my ceiling. in his desperation to escape, he fell down into the exterior wall of my bedroom. his tomb is right above the french doors that go out on to the deck. i know this because he scurries and claws and sometimes shrieks (!) behind the wall. all of this activity is amplified by the taut sheetrock and the sound is all-enveloping.
with all of these strange sounds generated at odd hours and usually while i'm asleep or semi-conscious, it becomes all too apparent how people go fucking crazy: i can't see what it is making this noise. i'm no longer sure how many creatures are making said noise. the clawing sounds remotely like fingernails on a chalkboard. the noise is amplified so that i can hear every claw, every scratch, every inch that the fur slides around, inside and unseen. to make matters even more insanity-conducing, the creature(s) has made two small holes in his desperation to escape. and maybe it's my imagination, but the holes get just a little bit bigger each morning. just enough so that i am sure i will soon see the starving beast's eye learing out at me, cursing my resistance to punching his escape hole out of the sheetrock. i am fairly convinced that i am reliving the dark shadows episode where the dripping drain in the bath room yeilds a gigantic spider, clawing to escape. it's come to that.
JTBjr
10:14 link it
2.26.2002
and i'm feeling really bitchy
nothing really to say, just loving me some liz today.
JTBjr
14:16 link it
this is the dawning of the age of aquarius i don't know if it's because i've lived in atlanta for ten years or that at the very core of my circle of friends are people i've been friends with since college or that the internet makes alot of these connections possible, but it is becoming all too apparent that there's some sort of two degrees of kevin bacon thing going on here. i'd draw a diagram of all these connections but it would only be a giant blob with everyone connected in at least three ways. what becomes clear is that there are several "centers of the universe," people that everyone knows or that connect me to what seem to be non-related groups of friends. yesterday there was some sort of harmonic convergence because liz's world crashed into mine (again) in about 3 or 4 different ways. then at my neighbor marjorie's birthday drinkfest, it happened again, only mostly in the professional realm (which, of course, overlaps the personal realm in about a thousand ways). i am quite sure that marjorie and liz are connected somehow, i just haven't figured it out yet.
JTBjr
09:56 link it
2.25.2002
emotional rescue for about 15 minutes yesterday, i was *emotionally available*. luckily, the dizziness and dimentia quickly passed and i was back to my old self. a close call indeed. but, if i could bottle and drink a perfect day, yesterday would have been it. and drunk i would be. and most certainly was. in short, i laughed, i cried, i saw CATS. and tonight is Day 4 of the social whirlwind that i've been so skillfully navigating since thursday's dinner with sssstrip and steve. and when it's over, marjorie will be 37 and i'll collapse, clutching my over-worked liver, singing a tune about going to work in a mini-skirt.
JTBjr
11:12 link it
these are the girls of the u.s.a. is it monday already?
today's blog will be simply a list of names, chronologically, of the super-whacked freaks and freakesses that made my weekend oh-so-bright:
gordon, scott, marjorie, chris, david, will, rodney, liz, jeremy, joelene, jonno, john, mr. hands, scott, 'twon, ms. boyd, capt. phil, greg, ry-anne, donkey, nipple boy, evans, dale, 'licious, trey, stephen, sssstrip, su, bushie, connie, daniel, bk and jason.
JTBjr
09:19 link it
2.22.2002
stuck in the middle with you
some fridays i find myself daydreaming.
JTBjr
15:21 link it
i seem to remember drinking bottles and bottles of red wine, reeking of anchovies, somehow driving home (smart choice!) then awaking at 6:00am to find a 70lb lab puppy curled up in bed next to me. she had a certain glow about her. why am i worried? has it come to this?
then walt calls at 8 with some bizarre tale of leather night at the neighborhood wrinkle bar. i mean, how much fun is it to spank aged cellulite locked in a pilgrim-esque stockade? this frightens me.
JTBjr
09:58 link it
2.21.2002
feel up mixed bag-o-observations:
* annabelle arrived last night along with her owners, the Rev. & Mrs. she (the dog) is staying 10 days. mom and dad have conveniently left the state. and i have begun a new ring of bags under my eyes. concealer, anyone?
* dinner at pulcinella was good, but expensive and fattening. eating tic tacs today.
* work is unbelievably slow this week. look for my domain on your referral logs. repeatedly. and no, i am not stalking you.
* we love amazon! new arrivals last night included dmitri from paris' "after the playboy mansion" and pete tong's "essential mix."
* i feel the need for drag.
* and, in a rare occurence, i committed a major social faux pas last night. at least in my book. let's hope i recover. so far, so bad.
JTBjr
09:44 link it
2.20.2002
sweet home alabama
seen on I-20, just outside of tuscaloosa.
JTBjr
15:41 link it
i'll go to my grave loving you jonno is on to something. it is a classic example of what them yankees call "southern gothic." hell, we just call it fucked-up. but, in all seriousness, there's an amazing storyline here and the makings of a fine short story or even novel. or you could take the low road and do the made-for-TV-movie. either way, it's a great (albeit staggeringly morbid) story. the last story that caught my attention like this one was the double cop murder in charleston 10 years ago, when that chick and her boyfriend off'd the two cops in a milieu of sex, alcohol and cold hard cash. she was major north charleston strip club material and the mastermind of the murder(s). the boyfriend simply drove the car and helped hide the bodies (and maybe provided the gun, i dunno). but she did a 180 and showed up in court in, no shit, mary janes and a baby doll dress. he got the death penalty, she got life. now, if only i could remember their names.....
JTBjr
10:03 link it
traffic from paradise yesterday was pretty great. yes i did venture out sunday night after spending most of the afternoon drinking. drinking on the porch. drinking at frog's. drinking at blake's. drink, drink, drink. went to the awful tea-dance at riviera and left before midnight. being in no condition to walk the 7 blocks to backstreet, i set out on foot anyway. in about 3 seconds, who was right beside me in the beat up old volvo but mr. hands. i hopped in and we cruised over to the 'street, jamming to a bootleg grateful dead cassette, his only tape. b/s was ok, heard an amazing remix of "where's your head at?" left about 4 and walked home. funny what you can hear at 4am in that condition. i swear i heard conversations a mile away. maybe just the voices in my head? anyway (to get to the point of the story), i melted into the sheets and slept till noon. i awoke to a wonderful message from sssstrip on the machine, blindingly bright sunshine and a big fat bagel with butter and orange marmalade. took a nice drive to decatur to recycle magazines (why i have to drive 8 miles to recycle magazines, i'll never know) and swung by max's on the return trip. things there were quiet and cozy: anthony crashed on the couch, meg reading in her salon, maxie caulking the new carpentry on the new porch. i found a beer or two and sat outside in the cool sunshine and caught up with the cajun rat boy. meg and anthony joined us after a while and mark stopped by with my cell phone and coat. we laughed and joked and discussed important things. later, anthony inspired me to go to the gym....i did legs and abs and looked sexy and am paying for the workout today. came home and cooked up some strange chicken buritto things, drank wine, blogged that awful entry, took gus for a walk and collapsed at ten. all in all, a pretty damn good president's day. thank you george.
JTBjr
10:19 link it
2.18.2002
turn it up. radio. way back when, the last women i ever loved, in the 360 degree sense of intimate emotional/physical/psychic love, taught me to love mr. van morrison. we started with the easy -- "moondance" and ended with the difficult -- "tb sheets." and today i put in "van morrison, his band and the street chior" and was transported. not to a particular place or time or person but across the whole scope of my adult life. i ended up where i was last night and where i find myself so often these lush, rich days -- on the balcony at backstreet with matt, gazing down on the spectacle, wondering why we can't escape and live out our entire lives in that never never land. but we share and joke and love and live our lives, happy for those moments of escape and tenderness and truth. i don't know how healthy it is that i have those transitory moments at an old dowager of a disco, a relic from other times, but i'll take them where i can get them. and i give thanks for all the things that the people in my life have taught me -- including you matt, andi and van.
JTBjr
20:12 link it
2.17.2002
when the moon is in the seventh house
and jupiter aligns with mars happy birthday to my favorite aquarian hotty body builder!
in other news, it's been a rather quiet weekend here at club 394. didn't go out friday or saturday, preferring to stay in, cook wonderful meals for myself, walk the dog and listen to good tunes. roomie is out of town and my posse is up to various individual pursuits. it's been great. however, it is sunday, i'm well rested and i don't have to work tomorrow. to top that off, there are two bottles of veuve clicquot chilling in the fridge and thirsty friends lurking out there somewhere. you all know what happens next....but first, i'm off to the gym to sweat and listen to faggy disco music. ah, life!
JTBjr
09:24 link it
2.15.2002
what's the buzz, tell me what's a happening something's wrong with this picture: it's february 15, 65 degrees, sunny, friday, nothing going on at work, boss is in costa rica, conference call at 4:30. wha'?
JTBjr
14:31 link it
2.14.2002
love stinks, yeah yeah
actually it doesn't but i wanted to be the curmudgeon today. my thoughts on love are, for the most part, pretty positive. i've only been in love once and it was absolutely the greatest, most pure, wonderful thing -- while it lasted. then it turned rotten and awful and sour and corrupting and eventually i ended up hurling the christmas tree across the living room. but that's another story. lots of people ask me why i don't have "a boyfriend." like they're shocked that someone at my age (a very young 36, thankyouverymuch) hasn't snared a man and settled down for life and started baking cookies. i mean, i bake, but it ain't cookies sister. anyway, my answer is that i'm generally happy being single. i'm in love with lots of things in my life -- my friends and family (first and foremost), my independence, my dog, my job, my new boot-cut, low ridin' khakis, my ability to go from leather to drag in about 6 seconds....and i'm not going to rush into anything. sure it'd be nice to spoon and cuddle and kiss in the morning. it'd also be nice to share that intimacy that only a loving couple can share. but ya know what, i see so many couples who proclaim love, yet one or both halves of the relationship suffers, smothers and generally is trapped in a situation they can't or don't have the will to get out of. so, where does that leave me this valentine's day? pretty damn happy with the way things are right now. ready and willing if mr. right comes along. but also content to keep loving life and living it and not thinking about what could have been -- only what's gonna be and how can i have FUN doing it.
JTBjr
09:24 link it
2.13.2002
catch me i think i'm falling.... um, the two window washers are arguing outside my window 9 stories up and they are shoving each other and there's lots of ropes and hoses and stuff on their scaffold.....should i be alarmed?
JTBjr
17:09 link it
girls on film ok, now that i have stopped laughing, i highly recommend you check this out. may not be suitable for workplace viewing.
JTBjr
13:49 link it
styx today's discovery: a stick in my field greens salad. gives new meaning to the term roughage...
JTBjr
12:59 link it
hand in glove now playing: the smiths, "louder than bombs"
commentary: this used to be my least favorite smiths cd. i thought it was disjointed and full of "seconds." not today! fits my mood perfectly. rock on sisters.
JTBjr
09:27 link it
p.s.: some bitch just called me from the corner of st. ann and canal street, drunk and having a really good time. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
JTBjr
11:06 link it
2.11.2002
8 days a week weekend update:
* yes, i am well-rested today.
* chinese new year got off to a festive start with a great little dinner party at max's. a seated 4-course meal preceeded by good champagne under paper lanterns on the nearly-completed porch. conversation with steve g. eliminated any cynicism about love. note to self: must work hard to regain lost cynicism.
* saturday night stretched well in to sunday. the patchwork khakis were a hit as evidenced by the number of people who had their hands in on them. i met a very interesting (a.k.a. HOT) couple who, had they not been racial opposites, would have been identical twins. go figure. decided to go ahead and order the combo hip and knee replacement package to shorten the dancefloor downtime.
JTBjr
10:14 link it
2.09.2002
operator, what's wrong? lemme just tell ya, this day has been an emotional roller coaster. i awoke to find a big gob of matted blood on my leg and streaks of rusty brown on my sheets. apparently i didn't realize that when i knocked the blender pitcher off the counter last night that it took a chunk out of my leg. to celebrate, i broke the coffee pot while i was getting it clean for the morning's jolt of JOY!! (good thing i keep an extra just for these dire staights. i'm old enoughto know). while joe dripped down into the shiny new carafe, i thought of geo. bush and oh-too-many american flags and our boring america team outfits, wishing i was a russian in Fabulous Fur. it is so not dead. at 9:15 the phone rang and High Serious Personal Danger Drama entered my day. i ain't kidding folks, serious, serious shit. shit that i had been advised of last night at moes and joes. shit that ain't funny. well, apparently it got worse and has spread and therein was the day's plummet. i called the reverend and as usual, my Uber Pater set things straight, gave me strength and love and encouragement and pushed me forward. i love ya, Dad. so, the her father the judge gets word and is on the road to the ATL and lisa loeb is out of danger. 'nuff said. it's uphill, in a downhill way, from there -- a trip in the jeep to bed bath and beyond! for a new carafe. a slow trip down peachtree where i spy a hot cyclist, legs shaved, princeton tatoo on left ankle, xl sock in biking shorts. a quicker trip to the cd store yeilds Cake and Led Zepellin (huh?!) and then a card and gift certificate for mr. sans-a-smile. people congregate on the porch and the sun sets and i'm left with an awful realization that my life is pretty golden. still conflicted as the burrito spins under radon, i wish i were south of here, donning wig and makeup and fake nails and gold tooth. the disposALL whirs and grinds and burbs and i do the misty moutain hop.
so here i sit, half drunk on budweiser, half full on black beans, getting ready for mandatory fun, hoping to score better drugs, liking the first two abs of a full six pack. where will saturday end-up? we shall see. we shall see.
JTBjr
21:41 link it
2.08.2002
where's your head at? what to do when work interferes with dinnerplans? and it's a dinner that you're hosting.
what to do when someone else's poor planning ditches your vacation plans?
what to do when 7:30 becomes the normal work departure time?
what to do when mr. hands comes along? mr. hands whom you've not seen in months.
what to do when the bar is cool and the boys are beautiful?
well, drink like there's no tomorrow and keep touring the restrooms. is it monday already? where's that railroad spike extractor?
JTBjr
09:42 link it
2.07.2002
i want be your blow job queen
just a reminder of who's on top.
JTBjr
15:51 link it
still i must speak frankly ahem. i have a bone to pick with some of you. and you probably know who you are. it is quite annoying when i'm clicking down my list of daily must-read bloggage and certain people's sites open a new window (just like i programmed them all to) but then never go away. there's your browser window, still there, still taking up valuable space on my desktop. and meanwhile my crappy little computer is struggling to open the next poor blogger's page with a new window. it may be because i'm an idiot (highly likely), but it seems to me that it would only be common courtesy to let your window cede to the next site. i think it's a plot. a plot, yes indeed. like bad pop-ups that keep multiplying as i frantically try to exit that porn site, there you are, lingering after i'm long done with you (just like a trick that won't leave....).
JTBjr
09:35 link it
2.06.2002
i love you, you love me anyone remember spy magazine's regular feature "log rolling in our time?" i do.
JTBjr
13:45 link it
work and work my fingers to the bone i kind of like thismeme that maxie picks up on.....
observations at the BGG:
* when doing cardio, notice just how many of the BGGites aren't actually working out. what you don't notice when you're going station to station is that lots of people just hang out, socialize, cruise, etc... it's actually quite comical.
* why is that the water fountain water pressure fluctuates with each flush of the toilet (technically, i know the answer, but still....)
* some people need to wear tank tops, some really, really don't. and no one needs to wear biking shorts.
* someone asked me the other night why i was sweating so much. um, because, like, i've been on this damn bike for 50 minutes pedalling my ass off while you preen and prune in front of the mirror, that's why.
* mirrors are good things, especially when you don't want people to see you looking.
* god bless the really obese chick that rides the bike every night. i actually think she's getting smaller. i need to say something positive and reinforcing...
* you gotta love a gym that stocks W magazine for it's mostly male membership. hey, guys need to be up on their fashion industry gossip, too.
* there is never, ever, a wait on the leg machines at BGG.
JTBjr
10:44 link it
fields of gray randomness:
* why can't atlanta get it together and instead of tons of rain at 33 degrees, we have a few inches of snow at 31 degrees? i mean, what's 2 degrees?
* over-the-counter drug of the moment: Advil. not till i read the label last night did i realize that you're only supposed to take one at a time. no wonder it works so well.
* now playing: emmylou harris "red dirt girl." this one gets better and better and better each time i listen.
* i know it's awfully early to mention, but yes, p-town is a scant 4 months down the road. it's shaping up to be a most memorable vacation....my west coast twin will be there as will cliff and steve. rumor has it that tall, dark and lovely rodney will make an appearance. who knows, maybe cory will sneak out for a spin on the a-house dance floor. it's shaping up to be a very gayboy blog meat, if you ask me.
* thoughts this morning of helleborus, hosta, packysandra and periwinkle. you ready?
JTBjr
09:51 link it
2.05.2002
run run runnin' around busy day today. on top of tons of work to get done, on my way out the door, i picked up my bag and something in my back just clamped down like a vise grip. excrutiating pain wracked my whole back, centered just below my shoulder blades. i could barely move. i tried sitting, standing, lying on my sides, back, front....nothing helped. so i sat very still and had some more coffee. i finally determined that standing or sitting was best and that i could do that at work. so now i'm popping advil and stopping to stretch every so often. but damn, it hurts and worse, i hate to be incapicitated. i suspect that the culprit is the new set of leg exercises i've been doing. but i'll never admit it.
JTBjr
14:36 link it
2.04.2002
crazy love i couldn't quite figure out what the energy was at steve and cliff's super bowl party last night. it wasn't the docile dogs sweetly running through the house. it wasn't me sketchily burning quesadillas on the stove. it wasn't dale's magnetic personality and super great looks. it wasn't ten-foot tall tim's beret noir. it wasn't laura crazy's oh-so-appropriate sporty motif'd warm-up suit and general Certifiably Bonkers deportment. nor was it the glamour that oozes from kjellgren every time she walks into a room. it certainly wasn't the obscene display of cheese-based products laid out on the dining room table. nope, it wasn't jay's sexy, sexy 501s and salt and pepper hair. and no, it wasn't even the fake baby that thirtysomething tara held in her clutches the entire night. what it was was catching a glimpse cliff and steve in the kitchen hugging and laughing and kissing and joking and Genuinely Happy. better than any drug (!), that stuff proved contagious and spread through the house last night like wildfire. thanks boys for your love and hospitality.
JTBjr
10:23 link it
2.01.2002
ramble on not quite sure how to take this award, but i'll take it nonetheless. look for an update this monday, too.
speaking of jonno, i read this morning about one of new orleans' mayoral candidates. his slogan is "a troubled man for troubled times." how appropriate.
and speaking of mayors, ours proves this morning she has balls. as a property owner in the city of atlanta, i'll support her and give her this chance to erase the multi-million dollar deficit left over by the corrupt campbell administration. i only hope the rest of the city voters can see the urgency and sense in fixing things.
my legs are still sore, thanks to tuesday's massive leg workout. i was at the gym again this morning -- a rarity. but, with all the drinking and eating i'm gonna have to do in the next 72 hours, i needed to jumpstart my metabolism.
as i said, a big weekend ahead and i'm not really feeling full of FUN. my $30 million client from a large Bank in nOrth carolinA is in town. we are having "drinks" later. he's 40, single, cute, staying the weekend here with two male friends. we've danced around the subject long enough and i think it's all going to "come out" later this afternoon. and, who knows, maybe i'll whore myself out for the company. stranger things have happened.
gus goes to the vet this afternoon to check on a lump between two of his right ribs. feels like a cyst or something herniated. at 8, he's been in perfect health his whole life. i'm not ready for some kind of serious medical problem. keep your fingers crossed.
also upcoming: 40th b-day dinner tonight at commune for my friend jb; cocktails at bret and walt's saturday night; dancing somewhere afterwards, i'm sure; and sunday brings stephen, cliff, su and jill's superbowl party.
whew, it's gonna be a long one, that's for sure. wish me luck. oh, and by the way, it's a perfect day to stay home in bed, listen to led zeppelin and have sex -- hence the headline. not that i've ever had sex to led zep....but it's worth the try.
JTBjr
09:40 link it
